Archival Ennui Illuminating Endurance

You mustn’t swim till you’re six weeks old,
Or your head will be sunk by your heels;
And summer gales and Killer Whales
Are bad for baby seals.
Are bad for baby seals, dear rat,
As bad as bad can be.
But splash and grow strong,
And you can’t be wrong,
Child of the Open Sea!

-Rudyard Kipling

 

En:DUR:ance (noun) — the power to withstand pain or hardships; the ability or strength to continue despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions.

 

UnderwaterOilSamanthaFrench
Oil painting by Minnesota artist, Samantha French, who graciously permitted this use. Gallery weblink: http://samanthafrench.com/ 

I’m a deliberate writer. It’s complicated being multilingual. Five languages. Not to sound whiny or something, but, each sentence is potentially embedded with grammatical explosives. Maybe it’s this one. Or this one. Or the next one. I write something, and in that moment I beamingly admire it’s alleged linguistic splendor. Then I re-read it, cringing at my hideous clunky, boorish, abominable construction. Revising, editing, revising, editing.

To what end this humbling chore? A mirror reflecting imperfection. Ineptitude. Incompetence. Ignorance.

Why, when time-demands fight tooth and nail for every last shred of my battered schedule, try to persist?

Stubbornly, I wrestled alone with this question for weeks. Each time I resolved to ditch the blog, something pulled me back. Finally, I asked a friend.

“Honey, I may be quitting the blog. It’s too much.”

“Yeah. But I know you won’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re not a quitter.”

He’s right. The truth is, I love words. And word-crafting, perhaps because of my lack of instinctive skill, is a labor of love. I’m not a natural born racer. With driving, I’m playing the long game, and I’ve progressed. As a five-year old who struggled to master the doggie-paddle, I’ve grown into an adult who physically craves a swim. The lesson here is that nothing is static. Although I fumble around to find words and phrases, it has become easier with practice. Perhaps I won’t always be so short of time.

I’m busy and I’m behind on the blog. My notes will likely be brief, less frequent, or even more clumsy, stumbling or inelegant. But not forever. Reminder to myself: I’m in it for the long haul. There may be some changes ahead. Please don’t hesitate to share your feedback. Remember, YOU are a very important part of this story. And, as you know, “Plus ca change, plus ca reste la meme.”

Happy 2016!

 

8 thoughts on “Archival Ennui Illuminating Endurance

  1. I love the blog, too, and will appreciate it just as much if it is less frequent, shorter, or less lovingly crafted. You are a delightful, energetic writer, and I enjoy the tales of your exploits.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are indeed a trooper and a fighter with more energy than my 8 year old!!!
    I wish I could get in on whatever special sauce gives you that power to soldier on!!
    Mabrouk Sis.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the ongoing readership and your encouragement Carol. I know your writing, and know how you value precision, my dear friend!
      As the new format unfolds, I will be most grateful for your critical input.

      Like

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